SAVING SANTA


"Shel you dummy!" Captain Toronto yelled. "The United States of America never signed that Treaty of Paris.There is no reason for us to still be considered pirates. You were helping Spooky rewrite that story weren't you?"
Shel sighed because he knew it was true. Spooky had relied on his help to research and not wanting his cats to be pirates he had deliberately lied.
Categypt Story Link

"Congress can still grant the CatAvenger a letter of Marque even if the government of the United States does not recognize the one granted by Categypt." Captain Toronto continued "Our own dear Teresa has intercepted and decoded some traffic that might help us to obtain a Letter of Marque from the United States of America." According to the dispatch which had beened easily decoded by the talented Teresa; Saddam Hussein had escaped. In the interest of "National Security" this was being hidden from the world.
Captain Toro was sure that if he could capture the ousted dictator he would have a grateful government that would grant him his Letter of Marque and Attainder.

While the good Captain was taking a well deserved break from the work of getting his ship set to sail. A large Tiger somehow slipped passed Shel who was on guard duty and confronted the sleepy Toro.

"Don't worry I am not here to eat you, the huge scary looking tiger said to Captain Toronto. My name is Tommy; I am here to get you to help me find Santa Claus. He has been kidnapped and needs your help."
"I thought he used reindeer?" Toro asked.
"He does but obviously they are better at pulling sleighs than as body guards. They failed so the elves hired me and I as fellow cat am appealling to you to help me find Santa and save Christmas.
"Sorry dude but we are already on a job and are already behind schedule." The Captain replied.
"You don't seem to understand," Tommy the tiger said. "Santa is loaded, I have been offered a billion dollars to rescue him. If you help me I will give you half. If that isn't enough I am sure that Santa will be so grateful he will grant you other wishes..."

It didn't take Captain Toronto long to make up his mind. But it wasn't visions of sugar plums dancing in his head that did it. It was something far sweeter; the thought of a Letter of Marque.

The Santa nappers had sent the elfs at the North Pole a picture. Ensign Spike looked at the picture the tiger showed him and said, "that's peculiar foliage growing there, if we could tell what it was maybe we could find out where Santa is being held."
That got Captain Toronto thinking. He knew just the cats who could help them Ashlyne the tiger and Austin the lion they were professors in the science department at the University of East London South Africa. Captain Toronto was sure that they would be able to help.

Once the dynamic feline professors had seen the picture they were sure that Santa could only be being held in Sardina. Captain was happy at this news because Sardinia was part of Italy and Italy was one of the few countries where the pirate cats were not wanted at the present time.
The Brigantine CatAvenger sailed to Sardinia but stayed several miles off shore while Captain Toronto and a few off the crew memberers reconnoitered in the dead of night. They found out that Santa was being held by there old foes; the Badguydas terrorist organization. Santa was being held in a small shack guarded by a tank while a half mile away the terrorists had reserves being housed in an old barn.
Captain Toronto returned to ship to make plans. "We will let the Caribiniere take care of the main body of the terrorists, meanwhile we will take out the one in the house and the tank."
They planned to make there raid the next night at midnight just before then Shel would tip off a brave Caribiniere named Fabio about the terrorists hiding in the barn. Although Fabio was not normally assigned to this region he would surely be able to contact those who could deal with the evil doers.

Captain Toronto and a picked group of his crew members landed on the beach in a small boat. They then made their way towards the house. In addition to the guards outside the shack several times an hour the tank started up and drove around it and parked in a different position.
Toronto waited until the tank had made its last round and stopped. Signalling his small force to take out the guards outside the house the Captain rushed toward the tank and threw a special smoke grenade down the airshaft. Coughing and choking the tank crew came out the hatch only to be karate chopped down to the ground by Captain Toronto.

The smoke was a short lasting concoction made by engineer Spott and had already lost its effect by the time Toro entered the tank and started it up. Hearing the commotion the evil face of the insane Saddam Hussein appeared at the bullet proof glass of one of the shack's windows. It was bullet proof but not cannon proof. Saddam looked on in horror as Toronto leveled the tanks cannon at him. Instead of backing away the crazy ex-dictator just stood frozen in horror. Fortunately for him Toronto wanted him captured alive. Instead of firing the cannon the captain just keyed the mike of his radio and popped up the hatch of the tank. The radio was a signal to Big Leon to smash down the shack's door.

The noise of the door being opened was enough to bring Saddam out of his stuppor enough to grab his own radio and call for help. However it was to late, for the Carribiniere lead by Fabio (on special temporary assignment,) had already captured all the terrorists in the barn.

FABIO

Santa was escorted unharmed and greatful from the shack while Saddam cowering in chains followed. The rest of the terrorists were left for the Caribiniere.

Once again the crew of the CatAvenger - this time lead by a new Captain - had saved Christmas.

The Cat in the Hat


POSTSCRIPT:

Unfortunately even the return of Saddam and a half billion dollars were not enough to bribe Congress and get the Letter of Marque that Captain Toronto so desperately wanted; but had Italy ever signed any laws or treaties barring the issuing of Letters of Marque and Attainder? I wonder, I just wonder...

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