PIGS LIFE:

PIG DEAL!

HOGWASH!

"Oink Oink Oink."

Captain Topcat had been reading a letter from Katmandu concerning a roach named Dazure escaping from jail ( please see my story HIGH ADVENTURE ). He was disturbed by this grunting sound. He looked across the bedroom and saw a rather small but plump pink pig grunting pathetically at him. "Hmm .. I don't recall having a pig on the crew roster at the present time."

PANTHER AWAKES TO GRUNTING:

At the sound of his voice, Topcat's cat mate Panther awoke. Looking at the piglet she commented. "I was dreaming of bacon for breakfast guess it was'nt a dream!"

"Oink oink, don't eat me it's me your friend Shel." The porcine one grunted. "I don't notice much change" Panther remarked.

PANTHER AND PIG:

"This is'nt right," Topcat said. "We can't have this we have a crew made up mostly by large carnivorous cats who love bacon, the last pig we had as a crew member was lucky to escape with his hide!" Topcat knew that this tranformation was something fighting cats just could not deal with so he booted up the crystal ball and logged on the internet seeking advice. Right away something came up in the e-mail inbox, to restore Shel to humanity there was a ransom demand of one million dollars U.S. currency to be delivered to Dred Isle within a fortnight. "That's chump change." Panther muttered looking over Top's shoulder at the screen. "You are right Panther. This is obviously just a rouse to get us to the island." Topcat continued. "I think we need big time help on this one. The help of a powerful witch!" Panther immediately caught on to who the captain was talking about."Oh no not her, not Shel's mom!" For you see the cats humble butler Shel just happened to be the son of one of the most powerful witches, Teba the wild witch of the west. "Don't be that way Panther, Shel's mother has always been very nice to us."

"That is true." Panther replied. But we have never had to tell her her son is a PIG!" They decided it would be better to go see her in person. Far from flying into a rage she took the news with an icy calm and handed them something wrapped in black paper she said would help them in their quest. "This is all you need she told them just take it and follow the instructions." Just as they prepared to sail off she gave them a word of advice. "Remember in times of greatest crisis help will come from strange quarters." And so they sailed off on their quest.

LING LING

Teba's first prediction of help came pretty soon an internet kitty friend of the crews named Ling Ling joined the crew to help out. Topcat and Panther landed in the ship's whale boat along with Engineer Spott, Spike the Dog, Big Leon and Tiberious tiger. They had'nt gotten very far before the crew were changed into toy stuffed animals. Which of course they had been at one time before that force that is even stronger than the magic of the CatAvenger had animated them that force of course being love. The wicked force of this cursed land seemed to have even beat the power of love.

"So much for love conquering all." Panther muttered.

"I have to go on," Topcat said. "Try to get them back to the ship if you can and if you can't stay with them." So Topcat along with Shel the pig trudged on. It was'nt long however before Shel turned into a stuffed toy pig Topcat was forced to half carry half drag him along. Carrying the long black wrapped package in his other paw.

One at a time Panther carried the crew members who had been turned into toys. She carried each one of them in stages a short way while keeping the others in sight. When she finally got them down to the beach however the sand it self rose up and formed into monstrous shapes blocking the way. Fortunately Ling Ling was up in the crows nest. Looking out with a telescope she had seen what had happened and signalled the crew. They fired at the sand monsters only to have the bullets go through them without harming them at all.

Ling Ling signalled Panther with a mirror in Morse code to stay down then ordered the cannons filled with chain shot. Panther quickly dragged the bewitched crew members down and behind a large boulder.

Seeing them safe Ling Ling gave the order for the cannons to fire. "Whoosh," the chains sailed and spun in the air, cutting through the sand monsters and reducing them back down to harmless sand. Unfortunately some of the shots fired had hit the whale boat leaving Panther and company stranded onshore.

Topcat kept walking inland from the beach. He saw a humanoid figure in a boggy patch of ground rooting around and rolling in the mud. It was Shel's body now inhabited with the mind of the pig.

"I have to find a way to get their minds back in the right bodies!" Topcat declared. He kept walking carrying the now toy pig as well as the long black package, however he was now followed by a pathetic humanoid figure.

BRAVE TOPCAT:

Ling Ling landed a boat on the bleak shore and helped Panther load the transformed crew members aboard Once off the accursed isle and in the boat the crew members quickly became reanimated and were able to go back to the ship without the help of Ling Ling and Panther. Thus those two were able to hurry across the isle to the aid of Captain Topcat.

Twelve big figures wearing suits of armor materialized in front of Topcat. Instead of directly attacking him they harassed him by grabbing the pig with Shel's mind in it and the human wih the pig's mind. One of the armored figures started wrestling with Topcat for the long package Teba the goodwitch had given him. Another of them was preparing to smack Topcat over the head with a mace when SWAP a crossbow bolt hit it in the kneecap and down it went. Ling Ling and Panther had arrived and were on a nearby hillside. "Good shooting." Panther said taking the spent crossbow and handing Ling Ling a loaded weapon. Thus while Panther loaded Ling shot and the two advanced down the hillside to Topcat's aid.

After the first enemy went down Topcat was able to distract the one facing him long enough to draw his sword and thrust it through the visor. Quickly Panther and Ling Ling joined in the battle. Panther with her saber and Ling Ling with a katana much like the sword the late great Spooky favored. The armored bullies folded before the combined onslaught of the fearless felines. Folded literally and fell apart the suits of armor were empty!

LING LING:

"You may have defeated my minions but thee shall not defeat me!" A voice boomed out as giant figure in shimmering metallic blue armor strode forth. "Bow down before me and worship me or die!"

Ping, Ping, the bolts from two crossbows bounced off the figure harmlessly. Before Panther and Ling Ling could reload, the black wrapped package Topcat had been carrying around so long started moving. The black wrapping dissolved and a black broom popped out. With a whoosh the broom flew at the giant and smacked him several times on the backside then once really hard over the head. The giant fell to the ground. With a poof the black broom changed into a small black cat.

SNOWBALL:

Not the late great Spooky but Snowball a cat that the crew had been trying to shanghai for a long time. Teba's magic had succeeded where the crew's effort had failed. Snowball popped off the giant's head and out staggered a large roach. It was of course Dazure the crew's old nemesis. "I don't know how you did it but change the pig and Shel back or you shall be one squashed bug!" Snowball ordered. Knowing he was defeated the bug did as ordered and all was restored.

Thus the bug was captured and returned to jail, Ling Ling was given the reward and returned home. Snowball became the ship's new third mate and the pig named Oinkly joined the crew (the carnivores having sworn to stay kosher.) As for Shel he still has a taste for trouffles.


P.S. The crew would like to thank Ling Ling, and her meowmmy Rat for all the help.


Sail on to the next tale - WARCATS!

**Or click the Ship to go back to the start **