PART ONE - IN THE CHIPS:

"I'm hungry," Panther pouted. "Have a chip they are delish,"said I the cats human Shel, referring to the chips from the potatocopia the leprechaun had given us. ( click here for that story)

"I am sick of those darn chips," Panther replied. Snowball laughed, "I never thought I would hear Panther refuse food!"

"I have to say that as tasty as those chips are I too am sick of them." Topcat said. "The larder is empty," Panther said. She looked at Oinkly the pig with a hungry gleam in her eyes.

"Oh no Panther you can't eat your fellow crew members," Topcat told her. "It's just a shame all that produces is potato chips we need something more." "Like a cornucopia?" Panther asked.

"No, that only produces corn chips and such." Snowball chimned in. "What we need is something like the Hungry Grail or Food-o-copia. I read about it in some of Spooky's notes. "It's just a shame nobody knows where it is. I would'nt even know how to start a hunt for it or who to ask."

"I always ask my mom when I want to know something" Said I the cat's human Shel. Topcat looked at me with a gleam in his one green eye. "For once you said something smart! Let's ask Shel's mom, Teba the Wild Witch of the West."

For some reason my mom impresses the cats, witch...er... which is probably why they put up with me. So the cats and I sailed off to check with mom.

PART TWO - OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD:

The visit with mom was all too short, for she sent us off to see the great Wizard of the West. The Wizard sat at his desk in the shadows not letting us see his features clearly. "I can help you but first you need to steal something for me, my so-called allies have promised me some software and have failed to deliver it."

"Hey thats more like it," Topcat said. "Stealing is what we do best, all this nice stuff is for the birds not the cats." So the Wizard told them what to do and where to go to get the software. The cats dragged me along. They said it was because I always was messing with the computer and could help with the laptop the Wizard had given them. I think it was just in case they had to plug it into some place they were too short to reach.

The cats went to a ring of stones on a deserted hill. Topcat did what the Wizard had instructed and found a button hidden under a stone he pushed it and instantly a flying saucer appeared overhead. A blinding white light shot out and beamed the four of us ( Topcat, Panther, Snowball and myself ) aboard. Although we had been assured that the whole process was automated an alien security guard instantly discovered us.

Allen the Alien:

The cat's refused to tell the aliens who sent them, but they shone a device in my eyes and learned all they needed to know. "Wizard indeed; we were planning on sharing all of our technology with Gill Bates he is just too impatient."

"I might have known, now it makes sense how he could come up with all his brilliant ideas. That genius computer programmer has some help!" Topcat said. "You should be punished for breaking in here, but because we are fair beings we shall only require you to perform three good deeds then we shall let you go." They did not realize that I was still linked with them mentally and found out the real reason they were being so lenient. They had indeed promised to help the Wizard computer programmer Gill Bates and had fallen short on their part of the bargain.

They gave the pirate cats one assignment and told them to think up two more on their own. This would give the aliens time to get the software ready for the wizard. To insure that corsair cats did not just sail off into the sunset and not do as they had been told they kept I, the poor human as hostage.

"Don't worry Shel we will be back for you," Captain Topcat said before they departed.

PART THREE - ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER:

The Aliens had given the cat crew one good deed to perform and told them to think of two more on their own. The deed the Aliens had given the crew was to save the unicorns. There had never been very many Unicorns and because they ignored Noah and kept playing they did not get on the Ark, all were going to drown, unless the CatAvenger could sail back in time to rescue them. The Catavenger set sail towing a large raft the aliens had given them.

Panther thought she ought to get some cowboy friends of hers to help round up the unicorns. Snowball thought they should be netted from the air and taken aboard. Topcat showed why he is the Captain by having the simplest way to capture them. "The key," said Topcat, "is they like to play. Now Snowball's favorite toy is the laser pointer let me borrow it and I shall get the unicorns on board for you."

Topcat and Panther watch the unicorns board the raft:

Topcat saw the unicorns playing in a field and told Commander Snowball to shine the laser beam in the shadows of some trees. Soon all of the unicorns were running after the beam right onto the raft the CatAvenger was towing. The ship towed the unicorns to the secret place the alien dudes had told the cats about. A beautiful place that was to be the uncorns' new home.

"That was easy enough." Captain Topcat commented. "I have an idea for our second good deed. Lets go see if those alien guys will buy it."

Unicorn's new home:

PART FOUR - GOOD RIDANCE

Topcat and company returned to see the space dudes. "I have an idea that might count as a good deed. Once we get that Food-o-copia we promise to share the food with the poor people and animals." The aliens readily agreed with that idea and said it should count as two good deeds.They handed me the laptop computer full of software for the Wizard and quickly beamed us all back to Earth.

"That was very strange how they gave us the bum's rush; "Captain Topcat commented. "After you left they continued to probe my mind," I said.

"That should not have taken long, not much there." Snowball said in his sarCATstic manner. Topcat hushed him and bid me to continue. "The alien dudes got real nervous when they found out that my mother is Teba the Wild Witch of the West they sure seemed anxious to get rid of me." The cats looked at each other knowingly.

PART FIVE - ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL:

The so called Wizard, Gill Bates was happy to get his laptop full of the alien software and requested to go on board the Catavenger in order to fulfill his end of the bargain. Seeing the look on the cat's fuzzy faces he said. "You mean you did not realize what you had?" The cats began to understand. I of course as usual was clueless. As we boarded he explained, "it's all a matter of programming. The ancient ones who lived here long ago produced an unknown number of these things. He continued explaining as he tinkered with the Potato-copia. This of course was the Food-o-copia. "Adepts such as Shel's mother and myself study the works of the ancients for that we are called witches and wizards."

"This Food-o-copia should be capable of producing almost half a ton a day of any organic substance. Enough to even feed Panther." Seeing the look in Topcat's greedy one green eye he continued. "Sorry gold is not organic." Making one last adjustment he produced fish and chips dinners for all of us. The crew was delighted particularily the non-carnivores who realized that never again would they be in danger of becoming dinner. After we had feasted our new friend the Wizard left with several ice chests full of steaks, a gift from us from the Food-o-copia.

Tiberious the Tiger the ships cooks was quite happy to have this new gadget for his kitchen. Only time will tell if Captain Topcat fullfills his end of the bargain by feeding the poor. I did hear him comment that since the device could produce any organic compounds and coal - and thus diamonds were organic. He thought he could find some nice uses for the Food-o-copia, the cat's new toy.

Topcat the schemer:



Sail on to the next tale - DEBT OF HONOR


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