Topcat looked at
the picture and laughed; " ha, ha, by the looks of it she got a few elves too!"
It's not nice to make fun of Santa, " Spooky spoke, "he is a
friend of mine."
Come on you don't expect us to believe in fairy tales ... some fat
clown in a red suit do you ?" Topcat said cynically.
"Yeah its not real like talking cats and magic fish." Panther
interjected. "Besides how can he do this in one night?"
"Actually he doesn't, he delivers them all year long and parents hide
them in garages and closets until holiday time." Spooky replied.
While the cats were thus arguing, I, Shel, the cats servant was
checking email on the crystal ball. "Here's something from Edmonton
Canada," said I ; it's from Santa Claus.
"Lemme see" said Topcat "Edmonton indeed - he is supposed to live at
the North pole!"
"Gotta admit it's pretty close to the same place though," added Panther
I read the email, it seemed Santa's sleigh had broken down and he
needed our help.
Topcat, quickly set sail in the brigantine Catavenger up the hidden
route of the Northwest Passage until he reached Edmonton.
"Thank goodness you have come my sled broke down, the elves are
striking and the reindeer are pretty tired, not only do I have to do,
Hanukkah, and Christmas I also have to do Boxing day and Kwanzaa. Even if
I get the sled fixed: I can't do it all, Can you please help me deliver
these gifts? "The not so jolly fat man Santa said while using a horrible (
shudder) run on sentence.
"I don't know I am a pirate and more used to taking than giving, said
"Please, at least make a trial run. I know you have feline friends in
this area, maybe you could deliver gifts to them while I fix the sled. If
it works out I will loan you Rudolph the red nose reindeer to navigate if
you agree to help me." So the crew set out pulling a barge behind the ship
and delivered toys, cat treats and doggy chew bones to their Canadian
friends. They saw Tiny Tasha's cats and Mr. Christa, his cats and mastiffs
got treats. Next stop Roommate's cats. Just over the border gifts were
delivered to Kitty Purrington's cats Saradan and Blondie. That is how
Topcat agreed to become Santa's helper; with Rudolf Navigating and pulling
a large barge the Catavenger set off to deliver holiday cheer to pets
around the world. Afterwards they went by Great Britain to see Pie,
Blackcat's, Ebony and Hugo, Chuffy's Lotti and Blizard. Meezer's Siamese
also got gifts. After delivering treats to those pets they swung by
Europe, Tineke's cats all got presents.
The Catavenger stopped in Italy and delivered toys to the
Principessa's ( Baffa's "mom") pets. We saw our old friend the great dog
Asia all to briefly also Moosie, Favola a.k.a Bandita. The many other pets
in Italy also received treats. Off the coast of Italy the ship (or
actually the barge it was pulling ) ran into some problems. It hit a
sandbar and stuck. Fortunately , a large group of cat's from Venice rowed
out in Gondolas and towed them off the sandbar. After delivering presents
to Europe the ship swung by Israel to wish Little Woman's Sparky a happy
Hanukkah they saw Domino too. We dropped off a big package marked; "Peace
on earth good will towards man." Next the ship went back across the ocean
to America and delivered presents to Gramma's cats, Buffy Honey and Snow,
we saw Egbert's crew and Rambopuss, then went by to see Barb's cats Kismet
and Midnight. We also saw Fluffy, Mari, then Andy's Zeke and Max. We
gave presents to Mazzi's, Manx and bunnies. The ship stopped by Bazooka's
family we saw Drago, lil' Zooks all the cats and dogs and various
Zooklings got presents. We swung by Mongo's cats place saw pigs, and
elephants and had treats for all the animals in the zoo. Next we headed
west delivering presents across the U.S.A. The crew had to unload lots of
presents to 29 cat's critters. We visited Got2greatcat's Apache and
Cheyenne, Amy's bandoleer gang of black cats also received presents. We
gave Rich and Barb's Mitzi a special hug and headed across the Pacific to see's Hausser.
"Why has the ship stopped? We should be in South Africa by now!" Topcat
exclaimed. He went to look for Rudolph, the navigator. " No wonder we ran
into that sandbar and have been zigzagging all over the world, " Topcat
exclaimed upon seeing the reindeer passed out drunk on deck. He had got
into the catnip and rum punch!
" It also explains why his nose is always so red." Spooky spoke. " Hey
Panther what's that compass reading show?"
Panther looked up from the compass and sextant reading she had taken
and shook her head sadly. "It shows we are in big trouble the sun just set
in the north.
"Teh heh heh looks like you are lost! Need some kelp... er help?" it
was their old friend the Sardine alongside the ship, "I know where
you are, just west of Atlantis!"
" Thanks Sardine for trying but
that really doesn't help." Topcat shook his head sadly. "No silly, the
metal in Atlantis is interfering with the compass reading!" said the
finny one. He pointed a fin in the direction of South Africa. " Thank you
very much little fish, and happy holidays, here is a present for you, "
Topcat said. He handed the fish a can of shark repellant. The happy little
fish swam off
~ ~ ~ ><))*> ~ ~ ~
"What a nice little fish," said Topcat.
"Yes, glad we didn't eat him." Spooky replied. "Ah, he is to little and
boney anyway." Replied the ever practical Panther."
delivering presents up and down the coast of Africa the ship
set off to Australia. We finally docked at Sydney and made are way
overland to deliver presents to Misha's fur crew, there we also caught up
with Tiny Tasha herself (we had previously seen Baby Tasha and the cats in
Canada). We also found Snail. After delivering gifts down under, Topcat
checked the ships manifest, "I can see that Rudolph will be no help
whatsoever this voyage. We will have do this ourselves." He said looking
at the snoring reindeer. So the valiant cats plotted a new course on
their quest to deliver gifts around the world. The ship sailed north to
Great Britain once more to see Mazzi and Offy's meowlings. We also finally
got the correct country for Fluffy, Scotland and also gave a secret
present to the Loch Ness monster. The Catavenger set off to return to the
USA. We delivered gifts to to Ms. Kitty and her kitties and doggy too. From
there we saw Princess Kitty and Momcat/CharliTuna. "Where do we go now
Topcat? "Said Spooky. "This shipping manifest is in some elf language and
harder to translate than Shel's handwriting but I believe we need to cross
the Pacific once more to see the Siamese cats in Thailand, the Singapuras
of Singapore need need gifts too. So the good ship Catavenger started back
across the ocean. The sea was rough, the brigantine had weathered far worst
storms but the barge it was pulling was in in trouble it had sprung a leak
and was sinking fast...
Bad news, nothing but bad news! Topcat had lost the Presidential
election and had conceded to India, the Bush cat. The gift barge had been
lost, due to faulty elf workmanship and Spooky had been clawed in the face
by these same elves.
You should have let me eat some of those little suckers. They at
least would have made a good snack." Panther said in disgust to Captain
"Looks like the fish will have a good Christmas." Said Spooky; "but
what about all the poor Asian cats?"
"Never fear," spoke the brave captain. "We are near Gorgon Island we can
just fill the ship with the treasure there, and deliver that for holiday
gifts." So the good ship Catavenger sailed to the island. When we got
there though we found a problem. The Gorgon hair-snakes/sea serpents had
surrounded the isle.
"I have a plan" said Spooky. "We can sail in, the three of us Topcat,
Panther and m self, in the pinnace. While we engage the brutes the
Catavenger can sail around to the back and fill the holds with treasure.
Panther was not so sure of the plan but Spooky insisted she had a secret
weapon that could deal with the serpents. Chief engineer Spott was put in
command of the Catavenger we quickly sailed to the back of the isle. We
were met by are old friend Cerberus, the three headed dog
"Thank goodness you have come, those sea serpents have been trying to
come ashore fortunately the really big ones can't squeeze through the
entrance. I am exhausted from fighting them."
Around the island Topcat, Spooky and Panther were preparing to face the
serpents. Spooky got out her secret weapon. "This was given to me by my
cat friend Bazooka." It was, of course, a bazooka. This one was made to
fire golf balls. One of the few things able to stop this type of sea sea
serpent. Spooky blasted away at the serpents driving them off. At the back
of the isle the crew and I loaded all the treasure into the ship. Since
there was no longer any treasure to guard Cerberus came aboard with us.
We sailed off in the heavily laden ship. We had not sailed to far
though before we were confronted by ten of the biggest smartest sea
serpents. They had not been fooled by Spooky's ruse and were after us.
There we were in an unwieldly ship helpless against the serpents.
Suddenly there was a huge head which surfaced and gobbled up all
the serpents. It was Nessie, the Loch ness Monster, "thanks for the snack
she called," and swam off.
We rendezvoused with the pinnace and told of our adventures. "It's too
bad you did not get the chance to even thank Nessie." Topcat said.
A little voice called out form the ocean. " How about thanking me; I am
the one who sent her to help!" It was the sardine once again. "I hate to be beholden to a fish once again!" Topcat muttered in dismay." Thanks little one that's two we owe you now!"
The ship sailed on to the far east delivering gifts to the Siamese cats in Thailand and to the Singaporas. I received an email on my crystal ball gift were needed for more folks. We sailed onward. Topcat determined that more speed was needed so he fired up the coal burning engines engineer Spott had installed . The ship quickly lightened of its treasure trove made good time. Onward we went quickly running out of the treasure Topcat was delivering for gifts. As luck would have it we ran out of treasure just as we finished delivering gifts to the folks on our list. Hurrah and Happy Hanukkah, we celebrated by drinking a fresh batch of catnip rum punch (none for Rudolf only black coffee.) "There is only one problem," observed Topcat," we did not get a present for you Shel." "Oh well I have the greatest cats in the world, what more do I need?"
Later Spooky declared that something was still not right even those who had not signed our guest book deserved gifts.
Panther pulled out a lump of coal saying "I have something for them."
"Be nice Panther !" Topcat ordered.
"You don't understand, what is a lump of coal but a diamond waiting to happen? Or to put it another way a diamond is just a lump of coal under pressure!" With that Panther squeezed
the diamond with all the strength in her great paw. There appeared a perfectly formed pink diamond. The crew looked on in hushed awe Panther using her great strength had solved our problem we had plenty of coal!
It was hard for I, Shel to stifle a grin even Panther with all her
power could not crush a lump of coal into a diamond. She could create that
illusion however using the knowledge she had learned in the book of magic
tricks I had secretly given her for Christmas. It seems She had found a
cask of diamonds which had fallen in coal bin as we had hastily loaded the
ship on Gorgon Island.
Using the "cat-made diamonds" as gift the ship resumed deliveries. that
Catavenger sailed south to Argentina with a diamond for for Babu.
On we sailed maybe even to your house... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!
Kwanzaa is a very special day for black cats like Spooky she made sure
Panther had a very rare black diamond for her friend, a black cat named
Snowball, (too much Simpsons I guess.) This was actually a shameless bribe
as we desperately want him as a crew member, We may even resort to
shanghaiing him !
Happy New year So in the week following the Catavenger sailed giving
out diamonds. Engineer Spott made sure we we sailed back to Gorgon Island
to se a special surprise he had prepared there.
On new years eve we all waited ... 4...3...2...1...BANG!!!!!!!!!! The
whole Island blew up taking with it many silly sea serpents which had
crawled ashore, ( good riddance.) Engineer Spott had created more space for
treasure to be carried by clearing out old explosives from the ship's
powder magazine! Afterword's we returned to deliver a freshly sober Rudolf
to Santa's house, ( Topcat of course did not snitch on him and tell Santa
what a drunken as … er … reindeer he he had been. "Oh Ho Ho thank you
for all your help. I could not have done it with out you. How about I give
you the title of Santa Claws and make you my permanent helper?" Said the
fat dude Santa.
"Yeah well thanks but no thanks Nick I gotta respect it's not an easy
gig you do, I myself find it more fun to take than give besides which I
don't want to keep owing favors to a certain little fish! "Oh well is
there anything I can do for you or your crew?" The white bearded one said.
"Yeah," said Spooky sharpening her claws on a whetstone, there is a
certain elf I would sure like to see! "