HAPPY HOLIDAYS






Topcat looked at the picture and laughed; " ha, ha, by the looks of it she got a few elves too!"

It's not nice to make fun of Santa, " Spooky spoke, "he is a friend of mine."
Come on you don't expect us to believe in fairy tales ... some fat clown in a red suit do you ?" Topcat said cynically.
"Yeah its not real like talking cats and magic fish." Panther interjected. "Besides how can he do this in one night?"
"Actually he doesn't, he delivers them all year long and parents hide them in garages and closets until holiday time." Spooky replied.
While the cats were thus arguing, I, Shel, the cats servant was checking email on the crystal ball. "Here's something from Edmonton Canada," said I ; it's from Santa Claus.
"Lemme see" said Topcat "Edmonton indeed - he is supposed to live at the North pole!"
"Gotta admit it's pretty close to the same place though," added Panther practically.
I read the email, it seemed Santa's sleigh had broken down and he needed our help.

Topcat, quickly set sail in the brigantine Catavenger up the hidden route of the Northwest Passage until he reached Edmonton.
"Thank goodness you have come my sled broke down, the elves are striking and the reindeer are pretty tired, not only do I have to do, Hanukkah, and Christmas I also have to do Boxing day and Kwanzaa. Even if I get the sled fixed: I can't do it all, Can you please help me deliver these gifts? "The not so jolly fat man Santa said while using a horrible ( shudder) run on sentence.
"I don't know I am a pirate and more used to taking than giving, said Topcat.
"Please, at least make a trial run. I know you have feline friends in this area, maybe you could deliver gifts to them while I fix the sled. If it works out I will loan you Rudolph the red nose reindeer to navigate if you agree to help me."
So the crew set out pulling a barge behind the ship and delivered toys, cat treats and doggy chew bones to their Canadian friends. They saw Tiny Tasha's cats and Mr. Christa, his cats and mastiffs got treats. Next stop Roommate's cats. Just over the border gifts were delivered to Kitty Purrington's cats Saradan and Blondie.
That is how Topcat agreed to become Santa's helper; with Rudolf Navigating and pulling a large barge the Catavenger set off to deliver holiday cheer to pets around the world.
Afterwards they went by Great Britain to see Pie, Blackcat's, Ebony and Hugo, Chuffy's Lotti and Blizard. Meezer's Siamese also got gifts. After delivering treats to those pets they swung by Europe, Tineke's cats all got presents.

The Catavenger stopped in Italy and delivered toys to the Principessa's ( Baffa's "mom") pets. We saw our old friend the great dog Asia all to briefly also Moosie, Favola a.k.a Bandita. The many other pets in Italy also received treats. Off the coast of Italy the ship (or actually the barge it was pulling ) ran into some problems.
It hit a sandbar and stuck. Fortunately , a large group of cat's from Venice rowed out in Gondolas and towed them off the sandbar. After delivering presents to Europe the ship swung by Israel to wish Little Woman's Sparky a happy Hanukkah they saw Domino too. We dropped off a big package marked; "Peace on earth good will towards man."
Next the ship went back across the ocean to America and delivered presents to Gramma's cats, Buffy Honey and Snow, we saw Egbert's crew and Rambopuss, then went by to see Barb's cats Kismet and Midnight.
We also saw Fluffy, Mari, then Andy's Zeke and Max. We gave presents to Mazzi's, Manx and bunnies. The ship stopped by Bazooka's family we saw Drago, lil' Zooks all the cats and dogs and various Zooklings got presents.
We swung by Mongo's cats place saw pigs, and elephants and had treats for all the animals in the zoo. Next we headed west delivering presents across the U.S.A.
The crew had to unload lots of presents to 29 cat's critters. We visited Got2greatcat's Apache and Cheyenne, Amy's bandoleer gang of black cats also received presents. We gave Rich and Barb's Mitzi a special hug and headed across the Pacific to see's Hausser.
"Why has the ship stopped? We should be in South Africa by now!" Topcat exclaimed. He went to look for Rudolph, the navigator. " No wonder we ran into that sandbar and have been zigzagging all over the world, " Topcat exclaimed upon seeing the reindeer passed out drunk on deck. He had got into the catnip and rum punch!
" It also explains why his nose is always so red." Spooky spoke. " Hey Panther what's that compass reading show?"

Panther looked up from the compass and sextant reading she had taken and shook her head sadly. "It shows we are in big trouble the sun just set in the north.
"Teh heh heh looks like you are lost! Need some kelp... er help?" it was their old friend the Sardine alongside the ship, "I know where you are, just west of Atlantis!"

" Thanks Sardine for trying but that really doesn't help." Topcat shook his head sadly. "No silly, the metal in Atlantis is interfering with the compass reading!" said the finny one. He pointed a fin in the direction of South Africa. "
Thank you very much little fish, and happy holidays, here is a present for you, " Topcat said. He handed the fish a can of shark repellant.
The happy little fish swam off

~ ~ ~ ><))*> ~ ~ ~

"What a nice little fish," said Topcat.
"Yes, glad we didn't eat him." Spooky replied. "Ah, he is to little and boney anyway." Replied the ever practical Panther."
delivering presents up and down the coast of Africa the ship set off to Australia. We finally docked at Sydney and made are way overland to deliver presents to Misha's fur crew, there we also caught up with Tiny Tasha herself (we had previously seen Baby Tasha and the cats in Canada). We also found Snail. After delivering gifts down under, Topcat checked the ships manifest, "I can see that Rudolph will be no help whatsoever this voyage. We will have do this ourselves." He said looking at the snoring reindeer. So the valiant cats plotted a new course on their quest to deliver gifts around the world. The ship sailed north to Great Britain once more to see Mazzi and Offy's meowlings. We also finally got the correct country for Fluffy, Scotland and also gave a secret present to the Loch Ness monster. The Catavenger set off to return to the USA. We delivered gifts to to Ms. Kitty and her kitties and doggy too.
From there we saw Princess Kitty and Momcat/CharliTuna.
"Where do we go now Topcat? "Said Spooky. "This shipping manifest is in some elf language and harder to translate than Shel's handwriting but I believe we need to cross the Pacific once more to see the Siamese cats in Thailand, the Singapuras of Singapore need need gifts too. So the good ship Catavenger started back across the ocean. The sea was rough, the brigantine had weathered far worst storms but the barge it was pulling was in in trouble it had sprung a leak and was sinking fast...
Bad news, nothing but bad news! Topcat had lost the Presidential election and had conceded to India, the Bush cat. The gift barge had been lost, due to faulty elf workmanship and Spooky had been clawed in the face by these same elves.
You should have let me eat some of those little suckers. They at least would have made a good snack." Panther said in disgust to Captain Topcat.
"Looks like the fish will have a good Christmas." Said Spooky; "but what about all the poor Asian cats?"
"Never fear," spoke the brave captain. "We are near Gorgon Island we can just fill the ship with the treasure there, and deliver that for holiday gifts." So the good ship Catavenger sailed to the island. When we got there though we found a problem. The Gorgon hair-snakes/sea serpents had surrounded the isle.
"I have a plan" said Spooky. "We can sail in, the three of us Topcat, Panther and m self, in the pinnace. While we engage the brutes the Catavenger can sail around to the back and fill the holds with treasure. Panther was not so sure of the plan but Spooky insisted she had a secret weapon that could deal with the serpents. Chief engineer Spott was put in command of the Catavenger we quickly sailed to the back of the isle. We were met by are old friend Cerberus, the three headed dog
"Thank goodness you have come, those sea serpents have been trying to come ashore fortunately the really big ones can't squeeze through the entrance. I am exhausted from fighting them."
Around the island Topcat, Spooky and Panther were preparing to face the serpents. Spooky got out her secret weapon. "This was given to me by my cat friend Bazooka." It was, of course, a bazooka. This one was made to fire golf balls. One of the few things able to stop this type of sea sea serpent. Spooky blasted away at the serpents driving them off. At the back of the isle the crew and I loaded all the treasure into the ship. Since there was no longer any treasure to guard Cerberus came aboard with us.

We sailed off in the heavily laden ship. We had not sailed to far though before we were confronted by ten of the biggest smartest sea serpents. They had not been fooled by Spooky's ruse and were after us.
There we were in an unwieldly ship helpless against the serpents.

Suddenly there was a huge head which surfaced and gobbled up all the serpents. It was Nessie, the Loch ness Monster, "thanks for the snack she called," and swam off.
We rendezvoused with the pinnace and told of our adventures. "It's too bad you did not get the chance to even thank Nessie." Topcat said.
A little voice called out form the ocean. " How about thanking me; I am the one who sent her to help!" It was the sardine once again.
"I hate to be beholden to a fish once again!" Topcat muttered in dismay." Thanks little one that's two we owe you now!"

The ship sailed on to the far east delivering gifts to the Siamese cats in Thailand and to the Singaporas. I received an email on my crystal ball gift were needed for more folks. We sailed onward.
Topcat determined that more speed was needed so he fired up the coal burning engines engineer Spott had installed . The ship quickly lightened of its treasure trove made good time.
Onward we went quickly running out of the treasure Topcat was delivering for gifts.
As luck would have it we ran out of treasure just as we finished delivering gifts to the folks on our list. Hurrah and Happy Hanukkah, we celebrated by drinking a fresh batch of catnip rum punch (none for Rudolf only black coffee.)
"There is only one problem," observed Topcat," we did not get a present for you Shel."
"Oh well I have the greatest cats in the world, what more do I need?"
Later Spooky declared that something was still not right even those who had not signed our guest book deserved gifts.
Panther pulled out a lump of coal saying "I have something for them."
"Be nice Panther !" Topcat ordered.
"You don't understand, what is a lump of coal but a diamond waiting to happen? Or to put it another way a diamond is just a lump of coal under pressure!" With that Panther squeezed the diamond with all the strength in her great paw. There appeared a perfectly formed pink diamond. The crew looked on in hushed awe Panther using her great strength had solved our problem we had plenty of coal!

It was hard for I, Shel to stifle a grin even Panther with all her power could not crush a lump of coal into a diamond. She could create that illusion however using the knowledge she had learned in the book of magic tricks I had secretly given her for Christmas. It seems She had found a cask of diamonds which had fallen in coal bin as we had hastily loaded the ship on Gorgon Island.
Using the "cat-made diamonds" as gift the ship resumed deliveries. that Catavenger sailed south to Argentina with a diamond for for Babu.
On we sailed maybe even to your house... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!
Kwanzaa is a very special day for black cats like Spooky she made sure Panther had a very rare black diamond for her friend, a black cat named Snowball, (too much Simpsons I guess.) This was actually a shameless bribe as we desperately want him as a crew member, We may even resort to shanghaiing him !
Happy New year So in the week following the Catavenger sailed giving out diamonds. Engineer Spott made sure we we sailed back to Gorgon Island to se a special surprise he had prepared there.
On new years eve we all waited ... 4...3...2...1...BANG!!!!!!!!!! The whole Island blew up taking with it many silly sea serpents which had crawled ashore, ( good riddance.) Engineer Spott had created more space for treasure to be carried by clearing out old explosives from the ship's powder magazine! Afterword's we returned to deliver a freshly sober Rudolf to Santa's house, ( Topcat of course did not snitch on him and tell Santa what a drunken as er reindeer he he had been. "Oh Ho Ho thank you for all your help. I could not have done it with out you. How about I give you the title of Santa Claws and make you my permanent helper?" Said the fat dude Santa.
"Yeah well thanks but no thanks Nick I gotta respect it's not an easy gig you do, I myself find it more fun to take than give besides which I don't want to keep owing favors to a certain little fish! "Oh well is there anything I can do for you or your crew?" The white bearded one said.
"Yeah," said Spooky sharpening her claws on a whetstone, there is a certain elf I would sure like to see! "



* * HOLIDAY MENU PAGE * *


Click the ship to go back to the start page: