Captain Topcat and Panther had made enough money from their raid upon the treasure ship Estupido Grande. They had not needed to engage in any pirate activity. So so they had either been relaxing onboard their ship the CatAvenger or on their island hideaway Cat Cay. Panther and I their servant Shel were quite content with this state of affairs. Captain Topcat however was getting restless and was ready for some adventure. That was why he was happy to see an E-mail from an old friend the Easter Bunny ( A.K.A. the Passover Rabbit.) "The EASTER BUNNY!!!" Panther shouted,"Ha, ha, ha, you joker Topcat there is no Easter Bunny!"
Topcat replied. "In a way you are correct my dear Panther. There is not an Easter Bunny as such but through the centuries there have been hundreds of them. Each one picked by the previous as he or she retires. Surely you have seen a picture of me taken years ago with my friend the Easter Bunny?" "Oh that scruffy looking hare was the Easter Bunny? I thought it was some bimbo you met at the Bunny Ranch?" Panther questioned.
"Well I admit that Trixie is'nt the cutest rabbit around and as it turns out she isn't the greatest at finding a replacement, because the latest Bunny is just too darned small to do all the heavy lifting and hard work that is required for the job. I am sure that she will grow (quite literally) into the job but right now she needs our help." The Captain explained.
"Oh no Top, if you wanted to steal something or get in a good fight I would be there at your side but this helping out stuff we have been doing lately is for the birds!" Panther complained.
"For the birds? Don't you mean for the bunnies?" Said I, Shel trying to be helpful. Panther glared at me while Topcat winked his one green eye at me.
Grinning he replied to Panther. "Oh Panther I guess you don't have to help but thats ok. It leaves more candy for the rest of us who do help."
"Candy! Candy!" Panther exclaimed. "Whats this about candy?"
"Oh just that for helping out we get a reward paid in candy thats all." Replied Topcat with mock innocence.
That settled any doubts that Panther had, even I wanted to go along on this trip if candy was involved. As we sailed to Eldorado the Bunnies base Panther pondered on what candy, religious holidays and rabbits had in common and why they should be involved with one another. "Its a conspiracy," she muttered and I bet the dentists are in on it to.
"As long as we get our cut of goodies who cares?" Asked Topcat rhetorically. "At least we are'nt getting paid in carrots like the bunny."
We sailed to Eldorado and we met his old friend the former Easter Bunny.
Trixie had been called out of retirement to help the new bunny, Flopsy. "Thanks for helping Toppy baby, the bunny said you are a dear." Said Trixie.
"No I am a cat." The Captain laughed, "and you are as bad at being an Easter Bunny as ever my old friend." He said hugging her. "Oh I know thats why I took an early retirement I am far to young to quit you know," said the vain rabbit.
"So," said the ever practical Panther,"You want us to help deliver stuff like we did for Santa?"
"Oh, no thats not it at all. Sorry if you misunderstood." Said Trixie. Flopsy nodded her head in agreement as Trixie continued. "We don't deliver candy the old fashioned way like Santa. We do it by magic, with a magic egg, all we need to do is is mutter the magical formula and the egg transports us all around the world producing candy on the way."
"But here is the problem." Mopsy continued the story. "It's been stolen and is being held for ransom we are supposed to deliver ten tons of candy to this island." She handed a map to Topcat. "Unfortunately we don't keep any candy in storage. There has never been any need since we can magically produce it. So you see we need you to steal the egg back for us."
"Hey, thats more like it we are pirates not delivery cats." Said Topcat.
"Wait a minute." Panther interjected. "Why can't they just use the egg themselves?"
"Oh its a magic egg Panther, they don't have the magic spell to make it work."
"Oh ok then," Said the pirate cat we can certainly steal something no problemo." So the crew set out to the coordinates on the map Flopsy had.She insisted on going along. Soon we sailed up the the isle on the map.
Topcat Panther and Leroy the Lion had devised a plan. Panther would lead the crew hauling boxes to simulate the candy. However these boxes held weapons and some even held the smaller crew members. A particularly big crate held Captain Topcat. The boxes had been cunningly devised by engineeer Spott to break open easily from the inside. They left only a few us including Flopsy on board the ship which was anchored in the water just off shore off the isle. The valiant little bunny however did not want to stay. After she had heard what Topcat's plan was the Easter Bunny who really dislikes violence was quite upset. So after Topcat's group had left and she thought none of the crew were looking she junped over the side of the ship easily leaping the distance to the shore. She had not noticed me coming out of the galley right behind her with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand. I saw her just as she lept off the rail. I ran and made a grab for her. But all that happened was that I spilled the scalding drink on myself. Leaping myself in pain and off balance from trying to catch the bunny. I, the ever graceful Shel fell in the water and was washed on to the shore by the incoming tide. I got up just in time to see the bunny vanish into the jungle. Panting I ran after her. Out into a clearing where we quickly captured. Captured by huge ANTS!!!
Topcat's party meanwhile had left the boxes at the place marked on the map. Those who had carried the boxes withdrew as they had been instructed. Those inside the boxes waited and kept on waiting nothing came to get the crates. Topcat was about ready to give up when his radio crackled into life. It was Minty the monkey, "Sorry to break radio silence Captain but you better get back we have big problems!"
Big was right the ants that captured us were huge. It seems that the monkey had been on watch in the crows nest. He had not seen us go over the side but had spotted us in the clearing being captured by the large bugs.
The crew rushed back to the ship only to meet with a large ant that had arrived at the same time. Panther drew her saber and was about to behead the beast when it held up a picture. The picture showed me and the rabbit tied up and held as hostage. "We want candy. You tried to trick us. We can smell those crates held no candy just dirty old cats and other beasts. Bring us candy or we will eat the rabbit and that silly human instead."
Left with no choice the CatAvenger sailed off...
Tied to a post high on a hill top the spirits of the Easter Bunny and I fell as we saw it saw it sail off. "I sure hope they don't discover how to make the egg produce candy. "I whispered to the bunny." They apparently don't know what it is for." I nodded toward the large brightly colored egg that was sitting nearby. "Oh, if they had only asked nice I would have given them all the candy they wanted. But since they are so mean I will show them." Said the irate rabbit. The egg popped open and brightly colored candy poured out. the greedy ants rushed over and started eating. Soon after they keeled over flat on their backs legs in the air. "What was in that candy DDT?" I asked the bunny.
"Nothing that cruel the rabbit replied. " They are not candy at all but candy coated sleeping pills!"
It was a good idea but unfortunately the pills worked to quickly and as the the remaining ants saw their comrades fall they backed away from the so called candy only to advance upon us. Although perhaps hundreds had fallen, there were still several hundred remaining. Those that were left began to advance upon us. Their antennas waving in anger.
The CatAvenger and crew meanwhile had sailed off into the mists of time and space in search of a way to stop the ants with out harming the Easter Bunny and I. They met with Trixie to see if she could help. "You know Toppy baby whatever you do has to be non-violent. Easter Bunnies can't be part of anything violent, if you recall thats why we broke up."
Panther had begun to get jealous of the rabbit. She grinned in delight saying, "yes thats why he got a real woman like me."
Meanwhile back on the island...
The poor bunny and I squirmed in our bindings helpless trying to escape. While the ants came on getting smaller and smaller as they advanced. "Wha... wha whats, going on?" I stammered in confusion, (my usual state of affairs.) I heard a familiar chuckle Panther appeared her claws easily freeing us from the ropes. "Panther thank goodness." I stammered.
"Yes Shel we have been gone three weeks." She grinned.
Rubbing my sore now unbound wrists, I looked at my watch in amazement Three weeks! Why according to my watch they had been gone less than three hours.
"The time travel of course." The clever rabbit said catching on immediately. She then asked why the crew could not have sailed back in time to before she had jumped off the ship and warned about the giant ants. While Panther explained the paradoxes in the time space continuum and why that would not have been a good idea. I sat down on the ground getting an instant headache as I always do when the talk turns to this subject. I was also still confused about how the now normal sized ants scattered about shrunk. As I thus sat there the crew appeared armed with tweezers picking up the ants. Then Captain Topcat and engineer Spott appeared with a weird looking device. "Ach 'tis a shrinking ray." Spott explained.
"Yes and since we don't need it anymore we may as well return it to the future. If we do at least there will be one less century in which we are wanted cats," Said the good captain.
"Might as well," Panther replied. It only shrinks things it does'nt make them grow. Now a giant catnip filled donut I would love to see!"
So you see with the help of the CatAvenger Easter was saved. The shrink ray was returned before it was even missed and the crew was rewarded as promised. Since cats don't much like candy they bartered it, (what I did not manage to hide for myself,) for provisions more fitting for the critter crew. Oh one more thing, I got a really nice antfarm, and oh yes... the ants in it got some candy.
I would like to thank Cat Stuff for the cat Easter graphics:
And don't forget the real meaning of Easter.
Pray for Israel.